Gay or Straight?

> GENTLEMEN, IT'S TIME FOR YOUR ANNUAL "AM I GAY
> SELF-EXAMINATION"
>
>
>
> 1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard
> stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked
> back enough beer with the boys and have spent the
> rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and
> doing the Oprah diet.
>
>
> 2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a
> dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never
> scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it
> uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
> about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said get
> your a_s over here, Killer!" Now think about how you
> call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!"
> Jeeezus, you're fit to! be framed, you're so gay.
>
>
> 3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby
> pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured,
> you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on
> bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish
> guts, pickled pigs feet, or t_ts. Anything else
> and you are in fag training.
>
>
> 4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom
> or pi_s in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual
> relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he
> urinates where he pleases.
>
>
> 5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like
> the poop chute. Coffee is to be strong, black, and
> full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering
> a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever
> know what artifici! al sweetener tastes like. If you've had
> NutraSweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
>
>
> 6. If you know more than six names of colors or four
> different types of dessert, you might as well be handing
> out free passes to your a_s. A real man doesn't have
> memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as
> well as all the names of all the players in the Major
> league, NFL, NHL, college ball, PGA and NASCAR.
> If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a
> "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type
> of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
>
>
> 7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget
> it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only
> puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a
> slow-a_s driver or to cut the punk o! ff. The rest of
> the time he needs that hand to change the radio station,
> eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play
> with his honey in the passenger seat.
>
>
> 8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films,
> mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is
> acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman
> who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the
> above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in
> SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is
> what happens to fags when they flame out too.